saturday. aimless.

what actually happened on Saturday:

Kelly, Ashley, Sam and some other people (not including me) went into town (after Kelly telling me she couldn't go in with me the day before). They all went to the cinema, Ashley had asked her to 'meet' him. They made out so much they couldn't even tell me what the movie was about. Right after that he asked her out. Kelly said yes, and made Sam promise not to tell me. I spoke to Sam on webcam for hours that night, he never said a word. I knew something was up though, he acted really awkward. Eventually on Sunday, Kelly spilled the beans. It was lucky we weren't video chatting, I didn't want her to see me cry. She thought I was mad, but I lied and said it was fine. I don't want us to fall out.

aimless.
The news of Kelly and Ashley going out spread faster than the rumour that I liked him (which as we all know wasn't actually a rumour but I had to pretend it was if I wanted to maintain any sort of contact with him). I can't bring myself to say anything to Kelly, they're happy. Seeing him smile like that isn't something I can do, so I'll leave it up to her - for now. Kelly was off school yesterday so I didn't have an excuse to talk to Ashley. Before I could just walk over alone because we were friends, but now it's like I'm just linked to him by Kelly. David is as annoying as ever, so while Ashley and Kelly are being all lovey-dovey I have to put up with him. Today the three of us were walking around aimlessly (as we do) and every few minutes a group would come up and ask Ashley so which one's your girlfriend? He'd gesture past me, towards Kelly. At that point most faces seemed to say what? her? really? because they're such an unlikely couple. He's a metal guy, she's a disney girl (I'm not even kidding, Hannah Montana obsessed). It would seem much more normal if he went out with the punk/rock chick (yours truly) but no, he had to choose her.

lies, eyes and a bad day.

Ashley: Heyyy
Me: Hi
Ashley: Haven't spoken to you in ages, how're you?
Me: Good (:

Biggest lie ever. 

She's my best friend and completely aware that I fancy the hell out of her boyfriend. And have done since June. I can't hate her, if they like each other who am I to get in their way? I don't get mad, it just hurts. To make it worse I feel like the worlds teasing me, everywhere I look there's a happy couple. I've had trouble sleeping lately, so when I finally get over to sleep it's well into the early hours of the morning. So naturally I'm late for school. Mr. form tutor took my aside today and basically had a go at me. Another thing I can add to the nailpolish, bright hair, eyeliner and converse. There should be loser scrawled across my face in permanent ink. 

There he is, the happiest grin on his face. Then I see her, by his side and that look in their eyes. At that exact moment my heart breaks every time without fail. 
I don't know how I am going to do this every day.

they're together.

Oh my god this hurts like hell.

mop

I've finally figured it out, I am a mop. When either of them spill something, they know where to find me. I'll come out and soak up all their problems. But then when everything is all cleared up I go back into the dark cupboard where I am soon forgotten. There's always that danger that I'll overflow and make an even bigger mess.

It's over. I haven't got a hope in hell. I'm no longer important to him. I'm just a girl. He barely starts conversations with me anymore. He never answers texts. And Kelly? They're best mates. They've sent over a thousand texts in a week. Each time they end it with even more xoxo's then the last, trying to break the record.

That was me. It should still be me. Not her. I know she'll hurt him. She's broken hearts before. He'll be broken and then he'll either ignore me altogether because I'm friends with her or come crawling back. It's crumbled. I only see traces of him in relation to her. She's everything I can't ever be. Confident, smart, funny, pretty, witty and a million more. They're keeping something from me, we've never had secrets. I know they all went to town yesterday without inviting me. I have a sickening feeling that they're going out and will one day spring it on me that they're dating. Kelly's tweets say it all: Why can't you be mine again? Oh yeah. It's only a matter of time now. 

thank the lord it's friday.

terror.

So I'm in the girls' bathroom. Doing what? Copying Kelly's maths homework. Yes, shun me I am a bad child. But it wasn't because I couldn't be bothered, I didn't understand it at all I did try! Anyway, I'm in the corner rapidly writing out equations and Gemma walks in:

"MRS. ***** IS WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE!"

Everyone turned around and started panicking. In short, this teacher is a psycho. She screams at anyone for absolutely nothing when she's having a good day. When she's not, no-one is safe. You could walk past and she'd attack you because she felt like it. And today she was on the warpath. She'd practically chased poor Gem so she'd run into the toilets but now she was cornered. Along with everyone else in the toilets, about twenty five people. We were all wearing makeup and nailpolish so nobody left. I would be in for it if I was caught coming out with my books. We waited and waited. The minutes ticked by and eventually the bell went for class. She was still there. But not one of us dared to come out. Finally she left and we all literally ran out, grabbed our stuff and escaped to class. What a traumatic experience. 

nooo.

I think David (Ashley's best mate) has a crush on me. Kelly had asked me to mind her phone for her, a text flashed up from Ashley: 

David will not stop talking about her red hair. He really fancies her, he might ask her out.

This is not happening.

the script.

Our group decided to all buy tickets for the Script (who we all really like) without telling Kelly or me. She's mad. I don't think they're talking. I'm used to it, my old friends ditched me a lot. But I don't think Kelly's taking it well. I hate fighting like this, but I like Kelly and we're closer than anyone else in the group so I always end up in the crossfire. 

*shockhorror*

We got a new Biology teacher after the old one was never in. If he was he'd hand us all notes and ramble on about Samurai Swords the whole time. I don't think we'd ever actually done any work. But this new one seems to know what he's doing, I may actually learn something this year.

I have had so much work this week & am so tired. 

Going to bed nows.

frustration. sweet. like that.

frustration.

I'm failing history. I'm trying, I really am. But no matter how much I study I always let myself down in the weekly paper. I don't know what's wrong with me, it was my highest score last year. And I like the course, it's interesting. My teacher is losing his patience, he thinks I'm just not putting in the effort. But if this keeps happening there's no point of working at it anyway. 

sweet.
In other news, I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about GCSE art. Of course, I'd kill to be doing cooking but that can't be helped now so I'm making do with what I've got. My theme which I'll be drawing for the year is 'sugar' so I can do anything sweet I want. I went to Sainsburys and bought bags of sweets then in class I emptied them all over the desk, arranged them and took photos. I'll be drawing from the photos. I'm currently on my first piece, out of twenty so when I'm done if it's any good I'll probably post it here. 

and like that I believed him.

I know I'll get hurt either way, and right now it's a risk I'm willing to take.

'sorry'

one new message - Ashley.
Sorry D:
He's not. It's only because Kelly noticed I was upset and jumped to the conclusion that it was his fault. I'm not convinced, but I will listen to what he has to say. 

the reserve.

his reserve.
I was fine with his whole 'Kelly first' thing, but this is getting ridiculous. Okay, so you have the hots for her. It's doesn't mean you completely ignore everyone else. She's done nothing for you, nothing. Did Kelly stay up late to make sure you were ok about Eve? No. I did. I have been there for you all along and she's been here for what? Two minutes? And you're ready to drop everything for her? I'm not asking for the world, I'm just asking that you don't take three hours to answer my texts when you take three minutes to answer hers. You're not going out and she can blank you out of the blue. How do you think I feel when I'm sitting next to her and you're texting her like mad and haven't even looked at mine? Stop running to her and pushing me away. God I like you, but I thought I was your friend. Come back soon, please? 


her reserve.
You have no-one else in school. So you stick to me like glue. You won't go up to Ashley without me and we have such a laugh. But when we're not? I feel like a third wheel. You always cancel, you never want to come over and hang out and have never once asked me to yours. When you do something it's fine, but when I do something it's not? Fair. We're supposed to be close but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. 


Yes I lost it. And they think I'm doing it for attention. I'm not. I can only be pushed so far over the edge. Now they hate me. Someone I barely know noticed that 
I'm not ok,
 I haven't heard anything from either of them. 

reality is a bitch.

how things should be.
Buzz. I open my eyes, roll over and grab my phone. 1 new message - Ashley: Good morning sunshine (: A smile spreads across my face and I get up. I carefully choose an outfit I know he'll love and put on my make-up. Buzz. I'm on the bus, cya at your stop (: The sun's beaming down on me as I sit on the bench and the minutes tick by. The bus pulls up, I pay my fare, turn to see Ashley and take the seat next to him. He tells me about his latest tennis match, we laugh at the idiots at the back and I run the plot of my latest manuscript by him. We're early so we lie on the grass outside city hall until the others arrive. Kelly and David show up and we wonder around, his hand in mine. Once or twice I catch his eye and he grins, I laugh. It starts to rain and I have no jacket, so he gives his to me. It's warm and absolutely huge on me, the best feeling in the world. The pair of us return to the stop, we're freezing so we sit close, my head on his shoulder and his arm around me. 


how it is.
Buzz. I open my eyes, roll over and grab my phone. 1 new message - Ashley: Where are you? You missed the bus! Shit. I scramble out from under the sheets and pull on the first clothes I can find, no time for anything else. It's pouring as I run to the bus stop. I get on the next one, pay my fare and sit down alone. When I finally arrive I scan the street for Ashley, I can't see him anywhere. David finds me. Ashley's gone to find Kelly and we're to meet them somewhere else so I'm stuck listening to David moaning about being single. The reason he's single? All he bloody does is complain. When Kelly and Ashley finally appear they're laughing together. He stays near her the whole time. I see the way he looks at her, it's dead obvious because it's the same way I look at him. Everyone in the whole world can see it except him, he's blinded by everything she does, immune to anything else. I can barely get a word in edgeways because David doesn't want to shut up or leave me alone so I don't get a chance to talk to Ashley until everyone else is gone and we're waiting for the bus. The pair of us are both shivering from the cold, he tells me a song to listen to and I tell him he'd better wear his awesome Led Zepplin t-shirt next time. The bus comes and we laugh at the idiots at the back. There's a moment where we accidentally touch hands, we go quiet and our eyes seem to meet. A voice in my head says Kiss him! Or just tell him how you bloody feel. Then I realize it's my stop so I stutter a goodbye and hop off the bus. As it drives away I'm cursing myself for doing nothing. 

dumb. 'themes' spreading.

dumb.

I had a whole supermassive fight with Kelly last night. Over you guessed it... Ashley. It wasn't he's mine back off and everything (I know I don't own him) it was really just stupid and about almost nothing at all significant. The others (despite the rift) got involved and decided to take my side. I felt terrible for it. No we all didn't attack each other in real life, it was on msn but it was still pretty brutal. I didn't say anything, I just watched as they all ripped each other to shreds. I turned up today at school not knowing how to feel. I wanted to walk up to her to chat and giggle as usual but I knew I couldn't. The bell went for break and we all piled out of class, I was right behind her;

"Kelly?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can we never fight again?" 

"Wanna go find Ashley?" 

"Read my mind!" 

'themes'

I was forced into selecting Art this year. I don't have the passion or the talent. The one thing I can draw is manga. I can do that too well. But what do you do when the one thing you're good at is not a real 'theme'? It can be anything - as long as it can be taken from real life. I am a cartoonist, not an artist. My teacher said maybe I shouldn't be doing the subject if the only thing I can do is cartoons. Shouldn't it be about expressionism? But she won't even look at them. I can't make her see. So I am stuck with this subject for two years and can't make head nor tail of it. Does anyone have any ideas for themes? Any at all? Help.

spreading.

The world knows. And he just seems to shake it off. Just like we have to, but it's not easy.

injections of FEAR

narrative
Today was very incredibly, extremely... you get it. Not good. I have a phobia of of anything sharp and metal (don't ask) so I walked into school and struck with the horrible news that there were people coming to stick a needle in my arm. Kelly and I spent the morning freaking out. Ashley text Kelly (and said hi to me = win!) then came in thinking someone had died, we were so worked up. He told me to message him when the terror started. The bell went so we trailed off to our form room. That's when we were told we'd be getting them first thing. 


Down in the hall four desks were laid out, piled high with white boxes. Sat at them were four women, sharpening their needles most likely. We rolled up our shirt sleeves and sat in the line. I filled my application with the receptionist (she asked me if there was any possibility of me being pregnant, I so badly wanted to say yes just to see the look on her face but I didn't) then she said take a seat. That's when I started trembling. I barely remembered to send Ashley a text. 


I had no real reason to be scared, it was Kelly who did; she always faints. But she went first. And  slumped in her seat as soon as it was in. Name after name was called and eventually I was. I stayed rooted to the spot. They'd obviously seen this before so somehow managed to drag me over to one of the tables and inject me. Okay, I was held down but only by two nurses, which is a record for me. 


My arm ached for a bit afterwards, I tensed it. I was monitored for fifteen minutes afterwards, purely because of my freak out. Kelly was there too, due to her dizziness. Luca made an appearance and chatted to us as if we're all friends. We haven't spoken since Summer. What is he playing at? If he wants to be friends why doesn't he just say so instead of hey I ruined your life but it's ok for me to come back into it with no warning whatsoever, yeah? Aaargh. Ashley text back how did it go? are you both ok? I didn't see it until I was sitting next to him at lunch but it still made me smile, knowing he was thinking about me. 


In History I heard someone say I slapped the nurse who had injected me then swore at her loudly. I corrected whoever said it right away and asked who'd said it: Daniel. I should have known, but I won't let him get to me.


Mad day, sore arm, but I guess that's all in the name of tetanus protection, right? 

laughs. red. far.

laughs.

I scared the life out of David (Ashley's mate) when I jumped out from behind him at break. Ashley walked past our class twice and waved outside the door like an idiot, it was so hard not to burst out laughing in the middle of Geography.Then at lunch Kelly had buttered muffins (in joke) and we stole Ashley's shoes. It is a rare sight to see a boy in his socks running after a pair of giggling girls clutching his shoes all around the school. Sadly after ten minutes of being chased we had to surrender them; he needed to get to Physics. 


red.
I'm still a redhead! After being given a week of lectures I guess they just got tired of bombarding me with DYE IT BACK FOR GODS SAKE every day, fine by me. The thing is, it's getting duller so it probably won't be bright red for much longer and I know I will not suit ginger so I'll have to dye it in a few weeks anyway. I'd love it purple but there is no way I could get away with that ever so I might go superdark brown or black. That way I can match my eyeliner (not really, ha).


far.

My friend Bethany got herself a boyfriend, the thing is she fancies someone else too. She wouldn't stop saying how fit the other boy was. I thought this was a bit fly, seeing she had just agreed to got out with him the day before, yet here she was saying she preferred another boy. What is the point with going out with someone if you're more attracted to someone else? Stringing a person along like that really isn't fair. When she asked me "What should I do?" I said "Either dump your boyfriend or spend your time looking at him, you shouldn't go out with someone and ogle at someone else. At least I think so." "YOU FUCKING BITCH" she yelled and stormed off down the corridor. I followed her, we were going to the same class so I couldn't not. Ashley was standing in the hallway too, when he saw Beth's face he gave me the oh god what have you done? look. Beth sat in front of me with another girl and basically bitched about me the whole time. Then she started slagging off Ashley. TOO FAR. She can insult me and my hair and my height but when you insult Ashley that is where I draw the line. Bethany's crazy if she thinks I'll be all smiles if I land next to her tomorrow. 

lucky. rift.

lucky.
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. My plan was a complete failure. Which was fine because Kelly talked him out of it, I think. Who else would? Either that or Ashley just don't give a shit. To be honest right now I'm not bothered which one it is because before he liked Kelly for a while he'd thought she had a thing for him. So you never know, I could be next. Fingers crossed!


rift.
Recently there seems to have been a kind of split in our group. It's got Sandy, Helen, Keira and Eve on one side and Kelly and I on the other. Ashley isn't in any of our classes, or even our year so it doesn't affect him too much. Plus Kelly and I kind-of own Ashley. God that sounded really bad. We're not possessive, it's just he never talks to the others and they're not bothered with him. He's like our camp best friend who isn't actually camp, which as it turns out is really quite fun! I'm glad we have him, it's nice to hear the way he thinks, sometimes it's like he's from another planet. Then again, boys are from another world so I wouldn't be surprised. But this divide is getting us all down, we're not fighting or anything it just seems to happen naturally. I miss the way things were last year, we were all one big group. We were happy, nothing was this complicated.

the masterplan.

1. do not go and find him everyday
2. do not start a conversation with him, wait until he starts one
3. while texting, leave at least ten minute intervals between replies
4. no @mentioning him on twitter
5. stop smiling like an idiot whenever you see him
6. deny all knowledge of the incident (and the fact you fancy him like mad)

He figured the whole thing out, told Kelly who then told me. Gah. Well... 
wish me luck. 

ohgodohgod

he knows. 
fuckkkk. I'm sort of just lying around wallowing in self-pity, appearing offline so I will not be bombarded with are you ok? when I am clearly not, cake and Taylor Swift songs. I don't want to talk about it yet so instead I'm just going to slap on a few lyrics that mildly relate to how I'm feeling and pretend it's a decent post...

She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?

Dreaming about the day you wake up and find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time.

All I think about is how to make you think of me.

I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about.

You just see right through me, if you only knew me.

He stands there then walks away, my god if I could only say I'm holding every breath for you.

I can't even see anyone when he's with me.

She'll never notice how you stop and stare whenever she walks by.

I think he can see through everything but my heart.

been here all along, why can't you see?

I just wanna open your eyes and make you realize.

I'll put his picture down and maybe get some sleep tonight.

I just wanna show you, she don't even know you.

she'll never know your story like I do.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

First thought when I wake up is my god he's beautiful so I put on my makeup and pray for a miracle.

She's never gonna love you like I want to.

I know your favorite songs and you tell me about your dreams.

- Taylor Swift
I'd lie.
You belong with me.
Invisible.
Teardrops on my guitar.

obvious. cycle.

obvious.
People are starting to notice. I've no clue who told but pretty much everyone seems to know I like Ashley. If he has found out he isn't saying anything. But I think I'd notice, he'd act awkward. I'm surprised he doesn't know, I thought someone would have told him by now. Apparently, it's obvious. All he seems to see is her. It's frustrating. She's one of my best friends but I would still kill to be in Kelly's shoes. We were on the bus yesterday, talking about the whole situation. Either I should tell him or leave him alone. I can't bring myself do either. If I ignore him I will go crazy. If I tell him I know he won't reciprocate, he likes Kelly so I haven't got a shot. Whenever she fancies anyone she just tells them and they've always gone out. Oh. And Ashley would never likely speak to me ever again if I spilled the beans.


cycle.
I spoke too soon. Minutes after my last post I checked my stats and messages. Basically I'm being threatened by someone I know. Who? I can't say. They've used proxies so I can't trace it back. And they've been sending it to people via facebook, but I still don't know. That's the reason for the new account and web address. Luckily I'd saved my old posts and comments to a memory stick so I was able to reupload them. I've blocked the blog from search engines and that's really all I can do for now. I can't post the link to my twitter anymore and I'm going to have to check my hits quite often. All this security is a killjoy to my blogging, but there's nothing else for it as I've found out. I am so sick of this circle of events. I'm off to try and recapture a few of my old followers.

dude. phew. trapped.

dude.

I. Have. 32. Followers. Wow. All I can say is thanks! I'm so glad you like my ramblings! I know 32 doesn't seem like very many but to me it's like having my form class plus half another class reading it (mind you if they actually did I would just about die) and that's a lot. Here I can say nearly anything in confidence and take comfort in the kindness of strangers, sometimes it's a lifesaver. If I have something to get off my chest here's the place I'll do it. When I started this up I was so messed up and without the comments I have no idea where I'd be now. It's weird how a simple blog can do so much for people, readers or writers. But wonderful too.

phew.

The fight has ended! About time! Two and a half days of that was more than enough. Kelly and Eve are now on alright terms and Ashley's no longer avoiding us. It's nice to be back to normality again!

trapped.

He knows he shouldn't but he still likes her. He's so shy, it's cute. It's just a shame it's not me when I know we'd be amazing together if he would even consider me in that way. I know he did once, back in June when we barely knew each other. I got stuck in the friend zone. But there I am, I still smile like an idiot when he texts and hopelessly wondering if he ever thinks of me. If we're talking it's so hard not to get lost in his eyes. But I can't tell him. It will ruin everything. Being his friend is the most important thing now and maybe I'll get lucky and be the one he falls for me like he did with Eve and Kelly. I can wait. 

gah

Basically:
Kelly is upset because of something Eve did.
Eve is irritated at Kelly.
Ashley said something that was taken the wrong way.
Kelly isn't talking to Ashley.
Eve is annoyed at him too.
Now he won't come near us. 
I miss him.

untitled. looks. oh god.

untitled.
We're lining up for maths. Kelly and I are talking about her splitting up with her boyfriend (she's now single AND Ashley likes her, aargh). And BAM a teacher appears and shouts at us. For what? Wearing makeup. We aren't. She takes down our names and reports us, so now my form teacher has yet another reason to yell at me besides the painted black nails (hence the web address) my converse, my bright hair and all the other general shenanigans I get into. The funny thing is Keira (who was standing right next to us) had a full face of foundation as well as eyeliner and mascara and was unnoticed. So Kelly and I were sent of in disgrace to the girl's bathroom where we were instructed to take off the non-existent makeup, by the time we got back to Maths we had missed the explanation of long division so I have no idea whatsoever how the hell to do the homework. Thanks miss, thanks a bunch. 


looks.
WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE STARING AT ME? Seriously. Cody was looking at me all the way through Geography. I happened to glance his way to find him completely transfixed. I'm not that interesting so I don't know what he was staring at. It wasn't a glare it was just a I MUST LOOK AT YOU look. Weird. Cody's not the only one either. Luca keeps doing it too. It's as if everyone who I'm not on particularly good terms with has said LET US ALL FREAK YOU OUT HAHA. Or maybe I'm just paranoid? Hmm...

oh god.

"We all judge way to much but then there's people that don't, who have balls and tell people how they feel about them and care about other people more than themselves. Those are the people I admire."

He could just be being randomly deep or he could know and respect me for caring about him or dislike the fact that I don't have the guts to tell him. Great.

headspin. guts. blonde.

headspin. 
School is mediocre. I've started Art and Design, it seems to be going alright. Today I've drawn a bunch of bananas and they're actually quite good, for me anyway. I don't think I'm as good as anyone else in the class, but they're all there by choice. I'm there because I have to be. There are twelve in the class, we're all girls so that's interesting. Helen's the only person I know, but I'm sure everyone else is nice enough, or will be once I get to know them. I sit next to Eve in my two worst subjects. There's an awkward feeling normally, but today we found ourselves giggling for no good reason in Maths. Maybe we can be friends after all? Luca's in my form class so we have three or four core subjects in the same room. Sometimes we'll catch eachother's eye and it is dead awkward. I haven't spoken to him since 'the incident'. Over the Summer someone spread untrue rumors about me, when he had nothing to do with it. He picked a fight on facebook at one stage with me, where even the people he was defending said he was out of line. Anyway, the whole point of that explanation is because he's in my geography class. At one point last year you could of said we were friends. So when I walked in to find a measly eight others, Cody among them he looked my direction then at the empty seat next to him. I didn't sit with him, of course not. An American girl I'd never spoken with before sat beside me which suited just fine. Apparently loads of people found out what he'd done he's not nearly as popular as before. Looks like karma caught up on him. I hope Cody's learnt his lesson.


guts.
I seem to be a little more confident towards Ashley now. Before I always needed a reason to find him, and someone else - usually Kelly. The two of us bumped into him and his mates at break and spent ALL of it chatting to him, oh the joy. Then at lunch I plucked up the courage to find him on my own, just to say hello. I ended up spending ALL of lunch with him too. I'm the person he tells everything to now, and I tell him things too. I love that. But sadly this means I know who he likes and he still has a small thing for Kelly, he doesn't want to act on it. I'm hanging in there.


blonde.
My hair is bright red. I've had it like this since June and the school didn't seem to have a problem with it. They do now. I've been threatened with suspension if I don't have it a natural color by tomorrow. My form teacher took a complete rage at me so I guess I'm going to have to. But I don't see what's so wrong with my hair? It isn't offensive or harmful and doesn't stop me learning so what's so bad about it? I don't know. I love it red, even thinking about it being any other color makes me sad. Red is me. It's my personality. It's my favorite color. It suits me. Anything else is almost boring in comparison. We consulted a hairdresser and she says the only safe color I can dye it is blonde without it turning out green or bright orange if it mixes with the red. I'm dying it tonight. Kill me now. 

smiles. over. again?

smiles.
Kelly and I's camping trip was so much fun! Her mates (most of which I had never met) were all down at the centre so we all hung about. The weather wasn't brilliant, but we were kept dry and that's the main thing. Kelly's so different around her friends, to be honest we didn't spend that much time talking together when were with the group; I got on so well with everyone and they seemed really down to earth. Kelly didn't mind at all, she was more interested in hooking up with her boyfriend. One boy, Sam and I had similar music taste so became pretty close and the other boys were sound too. We went swimming, had a mini disco until 4am, danced about in the dark and had a group campout. Super fun weekend!
over.
Sadly Summer is over. All good things have to come to an end right? I wish not... I've tried on my uniform and realized how very grey and boring it is compared to my array of colorful clothes, I'm going to have to go to bed a reasonable hour (no more late night msn conversations with Ashley, oh the woes) and will have mountains of work to do now I'm in GCSE year... BUT! I did everything I wanted to, check out my list:
1.take too many pictures done! heheh!
2.keep a journal/scrapbook thing a weird diary thing, and I suppose this blog counts too?
3.do something new with my room You can see the floor! 
4.make friends with a Spanish person Me and my Green Peace buddy!
5.do something that scares me  I jumped 15 foot into the Shannon Pot, scary stuff!
6.help a homeless person I gave a woman a sandwhich, drink and a packet of crisps.
7.get on a train chugga chug!
8.get photographed with as many celebrities as possible Dizzee Rascal, Ash and Vampire Weekend! 
9,bake a cake Rainbow Cupcakes! Mmm...
10.get lost did this many times
11.climb a huge tree I was SO high up, it was unreal *shudders*
12.swim with clothes on backstage in the VIP area of Benicasim, in the river Shannon AND in the pool of our villa!
13.go to ikea got a funky frog bin
14.visit a market in espanaaa
15.leave stickynotes everywhere in town saying nice things very refreshing!
16.laze about on the grass in the sun didn't get a tan though, haha
17.listen to some new music MUMFORD & SONS! PUBLIC IMAGE!
18.spend a whole day shopping how about a couple?
19.have a campout Cavan!
20.be so happy that I can smile and my face will hurt while with Ashley, naturally
21.celebrate my 15th birthday in style town, sleepover, waterfight!
22.start writing a book I'm not revealing anything yet!
23.sort out my lovelife Plan = stay friends with Ashley + pray he notices me
24.become a photographer or at least get a photography obsession I am now obsessed with pretty internet pics, I put at least one in every post now and have a memory stick full of them
again
Since it's my fourth year in High School (outta seven) that means GCSE (pressure) year and all our subjects are messed up so it meant we all had to change classes. Watching your friends walk one by one away from you into the unknown is unnerving. So when Eve, Helen, Keira, Sandy and Kelly were all called to the same class with our old form tutor and I was left with Daniel with all his mates slagging me off and a class with people I didn't know or had terrible reputations. Oh. And I didn't get HE, I got stuck with French. At break I met up with my friends and when realized I wouldn't see any of them for more than half an hour a day my eyes watered, eventually I couldn't hold it back anymore and ended up sobbing into Kelly's shoulder. She took my into the toilets and dried my eyes and said "I know what'll cheer you up" pulled out her phone and texted someone, then hauled me outside. "Hey, been a while." It was Ashley. Oh my god he is fit. And funny. And lovely. And yes, it did make me feel better. So I returned to my class to find my timetable was so purely messed up that if I wanted my subjects I'd have to change. I jumped at the chance and was moved to 11D... My old Mr. Bean lookalike form teacher and all my friends! As well as Bethany, someone I met over the Summer who is so nice and we have loads in common. But so is Luca. Oh the awkwardness, I'll probably end up sitting next to him too, stupid alphabetical seating.