...

I'm back, for good this time. Things aren't really going well but I'm here. I've missed blogging and I know I've been gone a long time, thank you all so much for waiting on me. Over the week I'll be uploading posts, because everything has changed; from school to an attempted suicide. 

It's good to be home. 

Drumroll Please...

Hey, hope you all had a good Christmas [:

I am still without a laptop but I do have a a method of typing which will allow me to blog again, without using fonts or anything though.I'm starting full time blogging in the new year, I'll explain everything then. I have exams in January, after which I may have the privelage of a working laptop again, yay!
I'll see you all in the new year! Until then I'll be catching up on the many posts I missed. Thanks for waiting on me,
The Messed Up Teenager Who Writes Here.
x

I'm coming home.

I am still here.
I don't have regular internet access any longer, but I'm working on it. I know you're all sick waiting for me, some have left and I don't blame them. I would too. But it's those who have stayed with me, through all this give me hope. Writing this blog has taught me that someone does care, so I won't give up. I promise I'll come back soon.

My relationships.

My home.

My mental health...

They've all fallen apart.

The moment we met that Summer day, if you'd told me that on a rainy night in November, you'd be the one stopping me from ending my life I would never have believed you. But there you go. Thanks, Sam. 

You're so lovely, the way you think is beautiful.
 Actually screw that; you're beautiful.

table for one?

They went to the theme park. They went to a party. They're having a Halloween party. They're supposed to to be my best friends. Thanks a lot guys.

what in the name of @*^£$%&

I spent four months wishing that you'd be mine.

Today, I found out you hate Harry Potter.

That's a very long time wasted, isn't it?

I will have no regrets.

You idiot. You stupid, stupid girl. 

When someone you like wants to kiss you; 

you bloody turn around and let him. 

in the air.

It doesn't matter how I know or who told me just... ugh. But you know what? I've had enough. Not of him or her or them or anyone. I've had enough of me. Do you know what someone said to me today? "Why is your hair that colour of red? It doesn't make any sense unless it makes up for your wit." I was a bit offended, but then I realized he was right. I waste so much time wishing I was this confident person that I'm not with an amazing boyfriend and perfect friendships. I'm going to do something about it. I want to be the girl that everyone thinks is lovely and funny yet fiery and witty at the same time. When I look at those girls I would kill to be like them, so would just about anyone. It will be like I'm playing a part at first but after a while it'll feel natural. I need a change, this might just do it. I start tomorrow.
Wish me luck. 

screw it.

he knows.
and has done so for a long time.
FML

dammit.

Gaaah. He had to come into my head didn't he? 

Anyway, moral of the post is: if you like someone TELL THEM before it's too late. You never know what could happen. And now I never will...

I found the photo from Lucy at Amusing Seth 

I think it's time to let go.

they're together.

Oh my god this hurts like hell.

'sorry'

one new message - Ashley.
Sorry D:
He's not. It's only because Kelly noticed I was upset and jumped to the conclusion that it was his fault. I'm not convinced, but I will listen to what he has to say. 

gah

Basically:
Kelly is upset because of something Eve did.
Eve is irritated at Kelly.
Ashley said something that was taken the wrong way.
Kelly isn't talking to Ashley.
Eve is annoyed at him too.
Now he won't come near us. 
I miss him.

Kelly asked him out. After she promised me she wouldn't.

Ashley said yes.

erm...

Aaargh. I can't even... I'm so... If I say anything right now it will be messed up, I'll sleep on it.

she wouldn't

Would she? She knows how I feel about him.

red?

Going for a haircut in two hours. I have boring brown medium length hair. I am so sick of it and have been thinking of dying it red for ages, but I don't know if I'll go through with it or not. This would be the colour I'd want:

I've made two lists to help me decide:

Reasons not to dye my hair:

1. The school wouldn't like it.

2. It could go horribly wrong.

3. My roots will show after a few weeks and I'll have to get it done again!

4. People might think I'm doing it for attention.

Reasons to dye my hair:

1. If it goes well it would be awesome.

2. It sorta suits my personality, no idea how, it just does.

3. I'd stand out instead of being invisible.

4. It would make me feel more outgoing, screw the school.

5. It's RED. Why not?

6. I want to!

7. It would be a lot prettier.

8. Anything's better than dull brown.

9. I have to dye it sometime, why not start now?

I really want to. I guess I'll see what I feel like then, main post coming up later, by then I might have a new hair colour!