not again.

We're in the lunch line, Kelly and I. Luca happens to be infront of us. It's the closest we've been all year. And Kelly being Kelly talks to everyone, he's no exception. So rather than make things totally awkward and keep my mouth shut, I join in. It went okay I guess, I didn't strangle him and he didn't bring up any ancient history. At one point I think we were actually laughing. Once he'd gone Kelly was all oh my god you still like him! After one conversation? No. After everything I don't think I could ever feel that way about him again. 

Today I am sick as a dog. Actually, I've never seen a dog nearly as sick as I am now so sicker than a dog. I would have posted about what I'm about to say yesterday except I fainted in the hallway, left the door wide open with the key in it and must have lay there for ages because mum found me an hour or two later. After that I couldn't really get off the sofa I felt so under the weather that I feel asleep at eight o'clock at night and didn't wake up until eight o'clock the next morning so I didn't get on the computer at all, so that's what I would have posted had I been online last night.

friday. saturday. fingers crossed.

friday.
We talked to the head of our year. Things are ok on the surface, though I think Sandy and Eve still have a few hard feelings. I tried not to take sides, because to be honest everyone was at fault. I think Kelly's going to stay, but I can't be sure. After school Kelly and Ashley roped me into going to the movies with them. We went to see Buried, a film about a man buried alive in a coffin. I had to watch it to drown out what was happening next to me. How I didn't burst into tears I couldn't tell you, but I felt exactly like the man in the box; trapped. It was dark by the time we got out, as usual Kelly and Ashley took different buses. I didn't exactly feel like taking a twenty minute bus trip with Ashley, but as we were leaving and I said I was walking he insisted I got the bus, he said it wasn't safe for me to make my way home alone in the dark. During the short time we spent together, we never shut up. Some other people from school sat behind us. Kelly isn't exactly popular with them, but they don't seem to mind me. I hopped of the bus, watched it drive away and smiled the whole way home. The effect he has on me is just... amazing. It's not fair. He belongs with me. 

saturday.
Sam got over the awkwardness of the rumour and invited me down town anyway. I'm so glad he did! The people there get me; my music, my red hair and my personality. I met a guy with a load of tattoos (yeah, even one with pikachu on it!) and that dude who gave me a piggy back last week! Ashley and Kelly wouldn't quit teasing Sam and me. They kept saying we should make out so of course they asked later that night. We decided to have a little fun of our own so responded YES WE ARE NOW MADLY IN LOVE and Kelly decided to text fourteen people before we could tell her we were only messing about, so now she's sorta/kinda/quite a bit mad.

fingers crossed. 

Tash was discharged yesterday afternoon and is on her way back to university (yeah, she's a bit older than me) so I'll miss her like crazy because she'll be in another country and all that but I am so glad she's better! Best news I've had in ages!

Untouched - The Veronicas.

a rather large incident

Rumours are not cool. They upset people and are normally complete and utter lies. Today they turned three of my favourite people against me and it got pretty messy. I'll try and explain it as best I can:

I'm in a class. Kelly's not in it, neither are any of group. Behind me sit two idiots who find it fun to bombard me. It went something like this:

"So how's Ashley?"
"How should I know? Kelly's going out with him."
"Aren't you jealous?"
"No, go away."
"So what are you doing over the weekend?"
"Just going into town on Saturday with Sam..."
"Oooh Sam!"
"Would you all sit down and be quiet?"

The teacher told us to shut up before I could say "It's not like that!" and me being the stupid child I am I forgot to correct it later. Fastforward to 4pm, I'm chilling out at home. I text Kelly hey what's up? you on for the cinema tomorrow? I get a one word text back: no. Something was obviously wrong so I replied with: That doesn't sound good, what's wrong? It doesn't matter.Was it something I did? Please tell me... Just go away. 

I could tell she was angry so I gave her some space. Next thing I know she's tweeted that she's crying. Sam said some pretty depressing things too. Finally someone relevant signed on to msn; Ashley. What's going on around here? What's wrong with Kelly? But I didn't get any decent type of answer. More tweets come and they get worse and a few tears come my way. Sam logged in and we talked for a few hours, I still don't know half of what's been bothering him. 

Eventually Kelly mades an appearance and her and Sam have a chat. I was too shy to say anything to Kelly for a while until she started a conversation with me, brace yourselves, its rather long...

(Kelly's in pink)
Hi
What happened today?
Many things, one was that I was told by more than one person that you spend all of class talking about how much of a bitch I am and that I'm only going out with Ashley to piss you off.
What? No I didn't? Who told you that?
I'm not saying names. I thought you were my friend.
I swear I haven't, even ask that girl I sit beside...
I don't speak to her. I've heard it from a few people.
I haven't said a thing Kelly...
Then where are they getting it from?
I don't know... the guys behind me bother me but I just tell them to go away...
Do you believe me?
...
So you drove me through hell today because someone told you a lie? You wouldn't have thought to clarify it with me first? Or thought that I would have never done that because I'm your friend?
No, there are other reasons too. Even ask Ashley, he's the only reason I'm still at school. That and GCSEs. I'm so close to moving, if I do it will be at Halloween. I've talked to my mum and she says it's up to me.
So I mean nothing to you? 
After today that's what I thought. If things don't get any better it looks like I'm leaving.
If that's how it is just forget me.
It's not you, it's the others. I can't take this anymore.
Can't we fix it?
No, we can't.
I'm going to the year head tomorrow about this.
What are you going to say. I don't think it's a good idea. They'll all be called out and they'll know it's because of me.
It sounds bad but if we go to the year head we will get it sorted. She's helped me so many times, remember all that stuff I got into last year? Without her I wouldn't be all smiles with certain people.
So you'll help me?
Yeah. Things haven't been right for a while. 
You noticed?
Of course! You eat your lunch really fast just to get away from them.
Oh...
But Kelly for this to work you have to be willing to get on good terms with them again.
I've tried! It's them!
I know it seems impossible. But remember last year?
Kinda...
I thought that I would never be alright with her again but now I can say hiya and have a decent conversation with her. That's at least what should happen after this, but I think we should all try.

Tomorrow we're going to the year head. I hope we get this sorted out, without Kelly I don't know that I'd do... After that Sam messaged me:

(Sam's in blue)
Did you say to some people we were going out?
What? No!

So now it's awkward. Isn't it scary how one thirty second conversation can cause all that? 

...

There is something seriously wrong. Sam, Ashley and Kelly are all in crumbles and I have no idea what's wrong. They won't tell me. I'm so worried.

saturday. aimless.

what actually happened on Saturday:

Kelly, Ashley, Sam and some other people (not including me) went into town (after Kelly telling me she couldn't go in with me the day before). They all went to the cinema, Ashley had asked her to 'meet' him. They made out so much they couldn't even tell me what the movie was about. Right after that he asked her out. Kelly said yes, and made Sam promise not to tell me. I spoke to Sam on webcam for hours that night, he never said a word. I knew something was up though, he acted really awkward. Eventually on Sunday, Kelly spilled the beans. It was lucky we weren't video chatting, I didn't want her to see me cry. She thought I was mad, but I lied and said it was fine. I don't want us to fall out.

aimless.
The news of Kelly and Ashley going out spread faster than the rumour that I liked him (which as we all know wasn't actually a rumour but I had to pretend it was if I wanted to maintain any sort of contact with him). I can't bring myself to say anything to Kelly, they're happy. Seeing him smile like that isn't something I can do, so I'll leave it up to her - for now. Kelly was off school yesterday so I didn't have an excuse to talk to Ashley. Before I could just walk over alone because we were friends, but now it's like I'm just linked to him by Kelly. David is as annoying as ever, so while Ashley and Kelly are being all lovey-dovey I have to put up with him. Today the three of us were walking around aimlessly (as we do) and every few minutes a group would come up and ask Ashley so which one's your girlfriend? He'd gesture past me, towards Kelly. At that point most faces seemed to say what? her? really? because they're such an unlikely couple. He's a metal guy, she's a disney girl (I'm not even kidding, Hannah Montana obsessed). It would seem much more normal if he went out with the punk/rock chick (yours truly) but no, he had to choose her.

lies, eyes and a bad day.

Ashley: Heyyy
Me: Hi
Ashley: Haven't spoken to you in ages, how're you?
Me: Good (:

Biggest lie ever. 

She's my best friend and completely aware that I fancy the hell out of her boyfriend. And have done since June. I can't hate her, if they like each other who am I to get in their way? I don't get mad, it just hurts. To make it worse I feel like the worlds teasing me, everywhere I look there's a happy couple. I've had trouble sleeping lately, so when I finally get over to sleep it's well into the early hours of the morning. So naturally I'm late for school. Mr. form tutor took my aside today and basically had a go at me. Another thing I can add to the nailpolish, bright hair, eyeliner and converse. There should be loser scrawled across my face in permanent ink. 

There he is, the happiest grin on his face. Then I see her, by his side and that look in their eyes. At that exact moment my heart breaks every time without fail. 
I don't know how I am going to do this every day.

thank the lord it's friday.

terror.

So I'm in the girls' bathroom. Doing what? Copying Kelly's maths homework. Yes, shun me I am a bad child. But it wasn't because I couldn't be bothered, I didn't understand it at all I did try! Anyway, I'm in the corner rapidly writing out equations and Gemma walks in:

"MRS. ***** IS WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE!"

Everyone turned around and started panicking. In short, this teacher is a psycho. She screams at anyone for absolutely nothing when she's having a good day. When she's not, no-one is safe. You could walk past and she'd attack you because she felt like it. And today she was on the warpath. She'd practically chased poor Gem so she'd run into the toilets but now she was cornered. Along with everyone else in the toilets, about twenty five people. We were all wearing makeup and nailpolish so nobody left. I would be in for it if I was caught coming out with my books. We waited and waited. The minutes ticked by and eventually the bell went for class. She was still there. But not one of us dared to come out. Finally she left and we all literally ran out, grabbed our stuff and escaped to class. What a traumatic experience. 

nooo.

I think David (Ashley's best mate) has a crush on me. Kelly had asked me to mind her phone for her, a text flashed up from Ashley: 

David will not stop talking about her red hair. He really fancies her, he might ask her out.

This is not happening.

the script.

Our group decided to all buy tickets for the Script (who we all really like) without telling Kelly or me. She's mad. I don't think they're talking. I'm used to it, my old friends ditched me a lot. But I don't think Kelly's taking it well. I hate fighting like this, but I like Kelly and we're closer than anyone else in the group so I always end up in the crossfire. 

*shockhorror*

We got a new Biology teacher after the old one was never in. If he was he'd hand us all notes and ramble on about Samurai Swords the whole time. I don't think we'd ever actually done any work. But this new one seems to know what he's doing, I may actually learn something this year.

I have had so much work this week & am so tired. 

Going to bed nows.

frustration. sweet. like that.

frustration.

I'm failing history. I'm trying, I really am. But no matter how much I study I always let myself down in the weekly paper. I don't know what's wrong with me, it was my highest score last year. And I like the course, it's interesting. My teacher is losing his patience, he thinks I'm just not putting in the effort. But if this keeps happening there's no point of working at it anyway. 

sweet.
In other news, I'm feeling a bit more optimistic about GCSE art. Of course, I'd kill to be doing cooking but that can't be helped now so I'm making do with what I've got. My theme which I'll be drawing for the year is 'sugar' so I can do anything sweet I want. I went to Sainsburys and bought bags of sweets then in class I emptied them all over the desk, arranged them and took photos. I'll be drawing from the photos. I'm currently on my first piece, out of twenty so when I'm done if it's any good I'll probably post it here. 

and like that I believed him.

I know I'll get hurt either way, and right now it's a risk I'm willing to take.

'sorry'

one new message - Ashley.
Sorry D:
He's not. It's only because Kelly noticed I was upset and jumped to the conclusion that it was his fault. I'm not convinced, but I will listen to what he has to say. 

the reserve.

his reserve.
I was fine with his whole 'Kelly first' thing, but this is getting ridiculous. Okay, so you have the hots for her. It's doesn't mean you completely ignore everyone else. She's done nothing for you, nothing. Did Kelly stay up late to make sure you were ok about Eve? No. I did. I have been there for you all along and she's been here for what? Two minutes? And you're ready to drop everything for her? I'm not asking for the world, I'm just asking that you don't take three hours to answer my texts when you take three minutes to answer hers. You're not going out and she can blank you out of the blue. How do you think I feel when I'm sitting next to her and you're texting her like mad and haven't even looked at mine? Stop running to her and pushing me away. God I like you, but I thought I was your friend. Come back soon, please? 


her reserve.
You have no-one else in school. So you stick to me like glue. You won't go up to Ashley without me and we have such a laugh. But when we're not? I feel like a third wheel. You always cancel, you never want to come over and hang out and have never once asked me to yours. When you do something it's fine, but when I do something it's not? Fair. We're supposed to be close but sometimes it doesn't seem that way. 


Yes I lost it. And they think I'm doing it for attention. I'm not. I can only be pushed so far over the edge. Now they hate me. Someone I barely know noticed that 
I'm not ok,
 I haven't heard anything from either of them. 

dumb. 'themes' spreading.

dumb.

I had a whole supermassive fight with Kelly last night. Over you guessed it... Ashley. It wasn't he's mine back off and everything (I know I don't own him) it was really just stupid and about almost nothing at all significant. The others (despite the rift) got involved and decided to take my side. I felt terrible for it. No we all didn't attack each other in real life, it was on msn but it was still pretty brutal. I didn't say anything, I just watched as they all ripped each other to shreds. I turned up today at school not knowing how to feel. I wanted to walk up to her to chat and giggle as usual but I knew I couldn't. The bell went for break and we all piled out of class, I was right behind her;

"Kelly?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Can we never fight again?" 

"Wanna go find Ashley?" 

"Read my mind!" 

'themes'

I was forced into selecting Art this year. I don't have the passion or the talent. The one thing I can draw is manga. I can do that too well. But what do you do when the one thing you're good at is not a real 'theme'? It can be anything - as long as it can be taken from real life. I am a cartoonist, not an artist. My teacher said maybe I shouldn't be doing the subject if the only thing I can do is cartoons. Shouldn't it be about expressionism? But she won't even look at them. I can't make her see. So I am stuck with this subject for two years and can't make head nor tail of it. Does anyone have any ideas for themes? Any at all? Help.

spreading.

The world knows. And he just seems to shake it off. Just like we have to, but it's not easy.

injections of FEAR

narrative
Today was very incredibly, extremely... you get it. Not good. I have a phobia of of anything sharp and metal (don't ask) so I walked into school and struck with the horrible news that there were people coming to stick a needle in my arm. Kelly and I spent the morning freaking out. Ashley text Kelly (and said hi to me = win!) then came in thinking someone had died, we were so worked up. He told me to message him when the terror started. The bell went so we trailed off to our form room. That's when we were told we'd be getting them first thing. 


Down in the hall four desks were laid out, piled high with white boxes. Sat at them were four women, sharpening their needles most likely. We rolled up our shirt sleeves and sat in the line. I filled my application with the receptionist (she asked me if there was any possibility of me being pregnant, I so badly wanted to say yes just to see the look on her face but I didn't) then she said take a seat. That's when I started trembling. I barely remembered to send Ashley a text. 


I had no real reason to be scared, it was Kelly who did; she always faints. But she went first. And  slumped in her seat as soon as it was in. Name after name was called and eventually I was. I stayed rooted to the spot. They'd obviously seen this before so somehow managed to drag me over to one of the tables and inject me. Okay, I was held down but only by two nurses, which is a record for me. 


My arm ached for a bit afterwards, I tensed it. I was monitored for fifteen minutes afterwards, purely because of my freak out. Kelly was there too, due to her dizziness. Luca made an appearance and chatted to us as if we're all friends. We haven't spoken since Summer. What is he playing at? If he wants to be friends why doesn't he just say so instead of hey I ruined your life but it's ok for me to come back into it with no warning whatsoever, yeah? Aaargh. Ashley text back how did it go? are you both ok? I didn't see it until I was sitting next to him at lunch but it still made me smile, knowing he was thinking about me. 


In History I heard someone say I slapped the nurse who had injected me then swore at her loudly. I corrected whoever said it right away and asked who'd said it: Daniel. I should have known, but I won't let him get to me.


Mad day, sore arm, but I guess that's all in the name of tetanus protection, right? 

laughs. red. far.

laughs.

I scared the life out of David (Ashley's mate) when I jumped out from behind him at break. Ashley walked past our class twice and waved outside the door like an idiot, it was so hard not to burst out laughing in the middle of Geography.Then at lunch Kelly had buttered muffins (in joke) and we stole Ashley's shoes. It is a rare sight to see a boy in his socks running after a pair of giggling girls clutching his shoes all around the school. Sadly after ten minutes of being chased we had to surrender them; he needed to get to Physics. 


red.
I'm still a redhead! After being given a week of lectures I guess they just got tired of bombarding me with DYE IT BACK FOR GODS SAKE every day, fine by me. The thing is, it's getting duller so it probably won't be bright red for much longer and I know I will not suit ginger so I'll have to dye it in a few weeks anyway. I'd love it purple but there is no way I could get away with that ever so I might go superdark brown or black. That way I can match my eyeliner (not really, ha).


far.

My friend Bethany got herself a boyfriend, the thing is she fancies someone else too. She wouldn't stop saying how fit the other boy was. I thought this was a bit fly, seeing she had just agreed to got out with him the day before, yet here she was saying she preferred another boy. What is the point with going out with someone if you're more attracted to someone else? Stringing a person along like that really isn't fair. When she asked me "What should I do?" I said "Either dump your boyfriend or spend your time looking at him, you shouldn't go out with someone and ogle at someone else. At least I think so." "YOU FUCKING BITCH" she yelled and stormed off down the corridor. I followed her, we were going to the same class so I couldn't not. Ashley was standing in the hallway too, when he saw Beth's face he gave me the oh god what have you done? look. Beth sat in front of me with another girl and basically bitched about me the whole time. Then she started slagging off Ashley. TOO FAR. She can insult me and my hair and my height but when you insult Ashley that is where I draw the line. Bethany's crazy if she thinks I'll be all smiles if I land next to her tomorrow. 

lucky. rift.

lucky.
I couldn't do it. I just couldn't. My plan was a complete failure. Which was fine because Kelly talked him out of it, I think. Who else would? Either that or Ashley just don't give a shit. To be honest right now I'm not bothered which one it is because before he liked Kelly for a while he'd thought she had a thing for him. So you never know, I could be next. Fingers crossed!


rift.
Recently there seems to have been a kind of split in our group. It's got Sandy, Helen, Keira and Eve on one side and Kelly and I on the other. Ashley isn't in any of our classes, or even our year so it doesn't affect him too much. Plus Kelly and I kind-of own Ashley. God that sounded really bad. We're not possessive, it's just he never talks to the others and they're not bothered with him. He's like our camp best friend who isn't actually camp, which as it turns out is really quite fun! I'm glad we have him, it's nice to hear the way he thinks, sometimes it's like he's from another planet. Then again, boys are from another world so I wouldn't be surprised. But this divide is getting us all down, we're not fighting or anything it just seems to happen naturally. I miss the way things were last year, we were all one big group. We were happy, nothing was this complicated.

obvious. cycle.

obvious.
People are starting to notice. I've no clue who told but pretty much everyone seems to know I like Ashley. If he has found out he isn't saying anything. But I think I'd notice, he'd act awkward. I'm surprised he doesn't know, I thought someone would have told him by now. Apparently, it's obvious. All he seems to see is her. It's frustrating. She's one of my best friends but I would still kill to be in Kelly's shoes. We were on the bus yesterday, talking about the whole situation. Either I should tell him or leave him alone. I can't bring myself do either. If I ignore him I will go crazy. If I tell him I know he won't reciprocate, he likes Kelly so I haven't got a shot. Whenever she fancies anyone she just tells them and they've always gone out. Oh. And Ashley would never likely speak to me ever again if I spilled the beans.


cycle.
I spoke too soon. Minutes after my last post I checked my stats and messages. Basically I'm being threatened by someone I know. Who? I can't say. They've used proxies so I can't trace it back. And they've been sending it to people via facebook, but I still don't know. That's the reason for the new account and web address. Luckily I'd saved my old posts and comments to a memory stick so I was able to reupload them. I've blocked the blog from search engines and that's really all I can do for now. I can't post the link to my twitter anymore and I'm going to have to check my hits quite often. All this security is a killjoy to my blogging, but there's nothing else for it as I've found out. I am so sick of this circle of events. I'm off to try and recapture a few of my old followers.

dude. phew. trapped.

dude.

I. Have. 32. Followers. Wow. All I can say is thanks! I'm so glad you like my ramblings! I know 32 doesn't seem like very many but to me it's like having my form class plus half another class reading it (mind you if they actually did I would just about die) and that's a lot. Here I can say nearly anything in confidence and take comfort in the kindness of strangers, sometimes it's a lifesaver. If I have something to get off my chest here's the place I'll do it. When I started this up I was so messed up and without the comments I have no idea where I'd be now. It's weird how a simple blog can do so much for people, readers or writers. But wonderful too.

phew.

The fight has ended! About time! Two and a half days of that was more than enough. Kelly and Eve are now on alright terms and Ashley's no longer avoiding us. It's nice to be back to normality again!

trapped.

He knows he shouldn't but he still likes her. He's so shy, it's cute. It's just a shame it's not me when I know we'd be amazing together if he would even consider me in that way. I know he did once, back in June when we barely knew each other. I got stuck in the friend zone. But there I am, I still smile like an idiot when he texts and hopelessly wondering if he ever thinks of me. If we're talking it's so hard not to get lost in his eyes. But I can't tell him. It will ruin everything. Being his friend is the most important thing now and maybe I'll get lucky and be the one he falls for me like he did with Eve and Kelly. I can wait. 

gah

Basically:
Kelly is upset because of something Eve did.
Eve is irritated at Kelly.
Ashley said something that was taken the wrong way.
Kelly isn't talking to Ashley.
Eve is annoyed at him too.
Now he won't come near us. 
I miss him.

untitled. looks. oh god.

untitled.
We're lining up for maths. Kelly and I are talking about her splitting up with her boyfriend (she's now single AND Ashley likes her, aargh). And BAM a teacher appears and shouts at us. For what? Wearing makeup. We aren't. She takes down our names and reports us, so now my form teacher has yet another reason to yell at me besides the painted black nails (hence the web address) my converse, my bright hair and all the other general shenanigans I get into. The funny thing is Keira (who was standing right next to us) had a full face of foundation as well as eyeliner and mascara and was unnoticed. So Kelly and I were sent of in disgrace to the girl's bathroom where we were instructed to take off the non-existent makeup, by the time we got back to Maths we had missed the explanation of long division so I have no idea whatsoever how the hell to do the homework. Thanks miss, thanks a bunch. 


looks.
WHY ARE YOU PEOPLE STARING AT ME? Seriously. Cody was looking at me all the way through Geography. I happened to glance his way to find him completely transfixed. I'm not that interesting so I don't know what he was staring at. It wasn't a glare it was just a I MUST LOOK AT YOU look. Weird. Cody's not the only one either. Luca keeps doing it too. It's as if everyone who I'm not on particularly good terms with has said LET US ALL FREAK YOU OUT HAHA. Or maybe I'm just paranoid? Hmm...

oh god.

"We all judge way to much but then there's people that don't, who have balls and tell people how they feel about them and care about other people more than themselves. Those are the people I admire."

He could just be being randomly deep or he could know and respect me for caring about him or dislike the fact that I don't have the guts to tell him. Great.

headspin. guts. blonde.

headspin. 
School is mediocre. I've started Art and Design, it seems to be going alright. Today I've drawn a bunch of bananas and they're actually quite good, for me anyway. I don't think I'm as good as anyone else in the class, but they're all there by choice. I'm there because I have to be. There are twelve in the class, we're all girls so that's interesting. Helen's the only person I know, but I'm sure everyone else is nice enough, or will be once I get to know them. I sit next to Eve in my two worst subjects. There's an awkward feeling normally, but today we found ourselves giggling for no good reason in Maths. Maybe we can be friends after all? Luca's in my form class so we have three or four core subjects in the same room. Sometimes we'll catch eachother's eye and it is dead awkward. I haven't spoken to him since 'the incident'. Over the Summer someone spread untrue rumors about me, when he had nothing to do with it. He picked a fight on facebook at one stage with me, where even the people he was defending said he was out of line. Anyway, the whole point of that explanation is because he's in my geography class. At one point last year you could of said we were friends. So when I walked in to find a measly eight others, Cody among them he looked my direction then at the empty seat next to him. I didn't sit with him, of course not. An American girl I'd never spoken with before sat beside me which suited just fine. Apparently loads of people found out what he'd done he's not nearly as popular as before. Looks like karma caught up on him. I hope Cody's learnt his lesson.


guts.
I seem to be a little more confident towards Ashley now. Before I always needed a reason to find him, and someone else - usually Kelly. The two of us bumped into him and his mates at break and spent ALL of it chatting to him, oh the joy. Then at lunch I plucked up the courage to find him on my own, just to say hello. I ended up spending ALL of lunch with him too. I'm the person he tells everything to now, and I tell him things too. I love that. But sadly this means I know who he likes and he still has a small thing for Kelly, he doesn't want to act on it. I'm hanging in there.


blonde.
My hair is bright red. I've had it like this since June and the school didn't seem to have a problem with it. They do now. I've been threatened with suspension if I don't have it a natural color by tomorrow. My form teacher took a complete rage at me so I guess I'm going to have to. But I don't see what's so wrong with my hair? It isn't offensive or harmful and doesn't stop me learning so what's so bad about it? I don't know. I love it red, even thinking about it being any other color makes me sad. Red is me. It's my personality. It's my favorite color. It suits me. Anything else is almost boring in comparison. We consulted a hairdresser and she says the only safe color I can dye it is blonde without it turning out green or bright orange if it mixes with the red. I'm dying it tonight. Kill me now. 

smiles. over. again?

smiles.
Kelly and I's camping trip was so much fun! Her mates (most of which I had never met) were all down at the centre so we all hung about. The weather wasn't brilliant, but we were kept dry and that's the main thing. Kelly's so different around her friends, to be honest we didn't spend that much time talking together when were with the group; I got on so well with everyone and they seemed really down to earth. Kelly didn't mind at all, she was more interested in hooking up with her boyfriend. One boy, Sam and I had similar music taste so became pretty close and the other boys were sound too. We went swimming, had a mini disco until 4am, danced about in the dark and had a group campout. Super fun weekend!
over.
Sadly Summer is over. All good things have to come to an end right? I wish not... I've tried on my uniform and realized how very grey and boring it is compared to my array of colorful clothes, I'm going to have to go to bed a reasonable hour (no more late night msn conversations with Ashley, oh the woes) and will have mountains of work to do now I'm in GCSE year... BUT! I did everything I wanted to, check out my list:
1.take too many pictures done! heheh!
2.keep a journal/scrapbook thing a weird diary thing, and I suppose this blog counts too?
3.do something new with my room You can see the floor! 
4.make friends with a Spanish person Me and my Green Peace buddy!
5.do something that scares me  I jumped 15 foot into the Shannon Pot, scary stuff!
6.help a homeless person I gave a woman a sandwhich, drink and a packet of crisps.
7.get on a train chugga chug!
8.get photographed with as many celebrities as possible Dizzee Rascal, Ash and Vampire Weekend! 
9,bake a cake Rainbow Cupcakes! Mmm...
10.get lost did this many times
11.climb a huge tree I was SO high up, it was unreal *shudders*
12.swim with clothes on backstage in the VIP area of Benicasim, in the river Shannon AND in the pool of our villa!
13.go to ikea got a funky frog bin
14.visit a market in espanaaa
15.leave stickynotes everywhere in town saying nice things very refreshing!
16.laze about on the grass in the sun didn't get a tan though, haha
17.listen to some new music MUMFORD & SONS! PUBLIC IMAGE!
18.spend a whole day shopping how about a couple?
19.have a campout Cavan!
20.be so happy that I can smile and my face will hurt while with Ashley, naturally
21.celebrate my 15th birthday in style town, sleepover, waterfight!
22.start writing a book I'm not revealing anything yet!
23.sort out my lovelife Plan = stay friends with Ashley + pray he notices me
24.become a photographer or at least get a photography obsession I am now obsessed with pretty internet pics, I put at least one in every post now and have a memory stick full of them
again
Since it's my fourth year in High School (outta seven) that means GCSE (pressure) year and all our subjects are messed up so it meant we all had to change classes. Watching your friends walk one by one away from you into the unknown is unnerving. So when Eve, Helen, Keira, Sandy and Kelly were all called to the same class with our old form tutor and I was left with Daniel with all his mates slagging me off and a class with people I didn't know or had terrible reputations. Oh. And I didn't get HE, I got stuck with French. At break I met up with my friends and when realized I wouldn't see any of them for more than half an hour a day my eyes watered, eventually I couldn't hold it back anymore and ended up sobbing into Kelly's shoulder. She took my into the toilets and dried my eyes and said "I know what'll cheer you up" pulled out her phone and texted someone, then hauled me outside. "Hey, been a while." It was Ashley. Oh my god he is fit. And funny. And lovely. And yes, it did make me feel better. So I returned to my class to find my timetable was so purely messed up that if I wanted my subjects I'd have to change. I jumped at the chance and was moved to 11D... My old Mr. Bean lookalike form teacher and all my friends! As well as Bethany, someone I met over the Summer who is so nice and we have loads in common. But so is Luca. Oh the awkwardness, I'll probably end up sitting next to him too, stupid alphabetical seating.